Toxic Femininity

BLoGGing WhiLe BLack

Does it exist and if so what is it? I cover this on my latest podcast session inspired by a recent incident.

To preface my response, I must note that I’m a huge believer in the need for traditional rites of passage particularly for adolescents. In the context of rites of passage, gender roles matter and the feminine plays an integral role, specifically for burgeoning young men hoping to achieve healthy adulthood.

As a mentor performing rites of passage for nearly a decade, the most difficult part of transitioning into adulthood is not maturity, but the adults in their lives acknowledging and encouraging the transition – the most damaging being the mother (or mother-figure) who enables her son or competes with her daughter. This is toxic Femininity and can have lasting adverse effects on childhood development, hindering healthy transition into adulthood.

I will say that this expression of toxic femininity is caused by centuries of severe patriarchy and toxic masculinity, but it exists nonetheless. Women who are or who feel abandoned, neglected and abused tend overcompensate for the love and attention lacking in their marriage (or caused by their divorce/ separation) by projecting onto their boy child. This noxious dynamic only increases when the boy grows into adolescence and young adulthood. It can be observed when the mother argues with her son as an equal, attacks his manhood which is often followed by coddling and plays for love and attention. With teen girls this is expressed through harsh and constant judgement, competitiveness and even mistrust of the girl child. The toxic mother may try to dress sexier than her daughter, be jealous of her relationships and even accuse the daughter of trying to seduce her love interests.

I’ve heard some say that women cannot be toxic in the same way that black people cannot be racist. I agree that we cannot say whether or toxic femininity would exist without toxic masculinity in the same way that we will never know what the post-modern Western world would be like if superpowers came out of black Africa – if Black people in the Americas ever rose to power and usurped white rule. In this sense, black people cannot command a national system of racism that affects white life no more than women can command a national system of matriarchy that dictates and defines manhood. However, the context of this discussion is in power plays within gender roles. For example, within a closed system, say an all-black school or majority black neighborhood where black people hold dominance, a system based on race – not merit could be developed and played on another race wherein they would be denied due justice and rights, abused with impunity. Rites of passage and the household, especially one of a single mother or where the father is seldom home, is this closed system where the mother wields all power. The toxic mother (or mother-figure) can and does discriminate based on gender. In addition, she engages in heavy power plays and double standards. All the same behavior played out by the toxic male and patriarchal system on her, she in turn transfers to her children; she competes with her daughter and emasculates her son.

The solution, though difficult, is to cut off the son. It doesn’t need to be harsh or severe, but must be deliberate and final. In this way, mother also experiences her own transformation – her own rite of passage – from warrior-woman to priestess, from nurturer to counselor. This allows the boy child a healthy break from the mother-son dynamic in order to navigate healthy relationships with other women; otherwise, he will continue to play out this mother-son/love-hate dynamic with other women.

Season 2 of Being Black on Earth is coming…

BLoGGing WhiLe BLack

The second Revolution of the podcast you didn’t know you needed is on its way.

I’ve been tinkering in the Brothaship, revamping and recreating the look and feel of the program.

Here’s a look at the brand new logo concepts:

Which one do you all like? I’m feeling the green one.

Trust that the changes are more than cosmetic & superficial. I’m cooking up some powerfully potent content. This season, the keyword is consistency. So, I’m gearing up to give to y’all long and often. Stay tuned & look for me in the whirlwind.


BLoGGing WhiLe BLack

Colorism plagues black communities across this globe as a result and aftermath of centuries of a white supremacist & Eurocentric system. Amongst our own dark skin is deemed ugly and undesirable. Light skin or (as my grandmother used to say) fair skin is acme of beauty, hence the word “fair”.

As we all know people & “Black” people come in all shades – all of them beautiful. I personally find dark skin to be the most striking and gorgeous of all the myriad shades. And this is not bias, as I am what would be considered brown skinned.

For the hate that my brothers and sisters who are kissed by the sun and blessed with an abundance of melanin, I want to show the love with the Dark Skin Society hashtag. #darkskinsociety you are among the most beautiful creatures on Earth.

Four Hundred Years

BLoGGing WhiLe BLack

400 years of slavery and counting…

So much of the Black experience in the Americas goes untold and when told, unheard. Our plight as a people is reduced in conventional US History to a pair of unfortunate events: chattel slavery & Jim Crow. Well, the rabbit hole is way longer, much deeper & far more twisted than that.

Even this chart I created couldn’t do it justice & even if I could, it would still need to be multiplied by the histories of at least 80 other nations occupied and colonized by European powers.
When slavery is mentioned, remember S L A V E R Y is a loaded term to describe the systematic destruction of families, rape of men, women & children, mutilation, humiliation, overwork, under clothed, malnourished, degradation of 3-4 generation of at least 4 million people for profit.

All of which was justified by quack pseudoscience & mollified by twisted Christian doctrine. Some have the gall to say the Civil War was fought to end slavery, but fail to explain why then did so many good white boys die to free black souls only to enslave them again with Black Codes, convict leasing and the #yrannical Theocracy of JimCrow.

The atrocities against freedmen continued with rampant lynching – mob justice. The Lilywhite Movement made sure to thoroughly undo any strides made during Reconstruction.
In the liberal, progressive North, black people were marginalized & cheated out of wealth by redlining, preyed upon by predatory lending. They were refused access to benefits of Roosevelt’s New Deal only to be lured & ravaged by promises of free healthcare in disguise – 30 years of the Tuskegee Experiment, poisoning men, women and children with syphilis, then, refusing treatment.

Later, heroin was pumped into impoverished black communities to fund organized crime. The government created a war on free lunches for hungry black children. The US, fresh off of assassinating nearly every one the brightest Black minds on the planet, let foreigners to peddled the potent of drugs in our neighborhoods to fund more wars. Then called it an epidemic, when it was mass murder, chased with mandatory minimums & mass incarceration.